When I first started experiencing menopause symptoms around ten years ago, it wasn’t something that was talked about much. I certainly hadn’t had any advice from my mother, (did she even go through menopause?) and friends didn’t seem to be mentioning anything. This was before the likes of Davina McCall and other great advocates began openly discussing their own experiences and helping to bring menopause into everyday conversation. So, when things started changing for me, I was caught off-guard to say the least.
Of course, I’d heard about hot flushes and night sweats- wasn’t that what menopause was? Jokes about fans and women wanting the window open at night whilst their partners froze and pulled the duvet up, were common. But I was completely unprepared for all the other changes to my body, my brain and my emotions and how that affected my confidence and how I felt about myself.
For me, one of the most unsettling things was the brain fog. Forgetting someone’s name, losing my train of thought halfway through a conversation or not being able to recall a word for the name of an object, like a table! Yes really. Things that had once come naturally suddenly seemed to require so much more effort. I remember being asked by a colleague what school my children attended. A moment of panic struck me as I realised, I had no idea what to say – the name of the school had completely escaped me. “Err…the one where they wear maroon blazers.” I mumbled. I was so embarrassed!
When it happens, it’s easy to laugh these moments off, and sometimes they are funny. But when they start happening regularly, they can leave us questioning ourselves. If I’m honest, there was a point where I was convinced I was suffering with something serious like early onset dementia. There didn’t seem to be any other answer to these blank brain moments I was experiencing.
Although these changes can be quite scary at first, understanding what might be causing them can help ease some of the worry. It certainly would have in my case. Thankfully, many of these symptoms can improve over time, and nowadays there is much more information and support available. With greater awareness among GPs and access to menopause specialists, there are options worth exploring that may help alleviate some of the symptoms and make this stage of life a little easier to navigate.
But when you’ve spent years feeling capable, organised and confident in your own abilities, suddenly doubting yourself can be difficult. You might feel frustrated, embarrassed or anxious about making mistakes. And sometimes there’s a sadness that comes with recognising that you’re entering a different stage of life.
Menopause can also arrive at a time when other things are changing. Children may be growing up and becoming independent, relationships may be shifting, or we might be questioning what we want from the years ahead. It’s a lot to process, particularly when you don’t always feel quite like yourself.
Life After Menopause
Looking back on that time, I wish I’d known more about what was happening and that I wasn’t alone in experiencing it. It felt like a very lonely place back then and even now 10 years later I’m not sure we talk about the emotional effects of menopause enough and how what’s happening to us coincides with so many other events in our life that can affect how we feel about ourselves. All these things can come at a time when we’re not necessarily feeling our best and that can take an emotional toll on us.
The good news is there is life during and after menopause, and it can be a fulfilling and exciting chapter, even if it’s different from the one we knew before. Perhaps part of the challenge is learning to accept that we are changing, rather than constantly comparing ourselves with the woman we used to be.
Having Someone to Talk to
Medical advice, treatment and knowledge can make an enormous difference to menopause symptoms, but sometimes it’s the emotional side of this transition that needs attention too.
Joining groups and forums can help you to share some of the things you’re going through and it’s great to get together and have the camaraderie with others who are at a similar stage in life and experiencing similar things.
Counselling can offer an opportunity to talk about the changes in this part of your life, the impact on your confidence and identity, and any worries about growing older or what lies ahead. It can also be a place where you share some of the more personal issues that may be difficult to say in an open forum or even to those closest to you.
We don’t have to pretend that menopause is easy or embrace every change that comes with it. But we can begin to understand ourselves differently and recognise that this stage of life still has so much to offer.